Wednesday, January 27

Where have I gone?

Where, O where....

Where, O where...

did Fiesty Actress go?

Sorry, adoring public!!!

I have been busy.
I'm in a show.
I'm doing an acting workshop.

I'm in the process of quitting my day job... yes, I said that.

I'm a busy duck.

More posts on life to come...
Believe me, I will catch you up, friends.


Friday, January 22

WTF, Supreme Court?!

Yo People!

I don't usually get political, but I am MAD. Like.... RARRRRRRRrrrr!!!!

The Supreme Court has lost its F*CKING mind.

Their ruling gives "special" interest lobbyists with LOADS of money ( i.e. all the BAD people) even more power in Washington.
EWWWWwwwWWww!!!! UGH!!!!!
I think I just vomitted in my mouth.

Take back our motherf*ckin' democracy
make sure "special" interests don't f*ck with our lives.

Friday, January 15

My Girl Monday!

Can you read that signature, bitches?

ROSALIND RUSSELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If you're thinking to yourself... WHO?
[ SLAP!]
Did you feel that?


What I love most about her is that she's a STAGE and FILM actress.
I only know her from her movies, because I obviously wasn't around to see her stage performances. But can't you just tell that she was fabulous?
I mean... check out those feathers on that top??

His Girl Friday! See. This. Movie.
If you haven't seen this movie, you ought to be ashamed of yourself.
And slap yourself silly a few times.
Not only is Rosalind great in it, and Funny!!!
BUT... sexy motherf*cker, Cary Grant is in it.
He might've been "how you doin' ". But damnit! That man was sexy.

Yes, that bitch is rollin' in the hay!
Don't you want to??? She made it look fun.
How many of you can say that you make such a simple act look fun in a picture?
And check out those boots! I want. I want. I want.

And check out this bitch in the movie: THE WOMEN.
It's based on a play by Clare Boothe Luce.
Rosalind played Sylvia Fowler, and she wears some of the most ridiculous outfits in the movie.

In the most recent 2002 stage revival of the play for the stage, Kristen Johnston played it.
In the most recent 2009
version for the screen, Annette Bening played that part. (She is the best thing in that movie.)

Both women do NOT hold a candle to Ms. Russell.
** Please note that Ms. Crawford is also in that picture above. They were great friends.**

OMG! Bitch, I want that hat.
Me and Joan Crawford are gonna have to fight you!
If you don't know this character, which got her a TONY, you should just jump off the Cornell University cliff of doom.
She played AUNTIE MAME.

You all need to see this movie.
I laugh out loud when I watch this.
Well.... I laugh a lot in general, I know. But seriously... this one is funny.
Check out a scene.

Don't you just want to take her home and have a long chat with this woman?
I do.
And look at the clothes she wears.
I want. I want. I want. (UGH!)

" Life's a banquet and most poor suckers are starving to death! "

Bitch, you are so right.

Tuesday, January 12


Eww! Eww!! EWWWW!!!!

Woman! What is your problem?

STOP ENABLING those pigeons to
POOP on the rest of us!!!!!

Today, as I was walking to the subway to go to work, there was a woman who was casually walking, and literally whistling as she kicked her feet... and then randomly she threw BREAD at me! Yes.... AT ME! She didn't mean to (so she says) as it turns out. As she apologized profusely for hitting me, as I accosted her with CURSE words only known by sailors and pirates, (ARRRRrr!!! Brethren....) ...she explained that she was trying to "feed the poor animals".

I looked at her stunned.
PIGEONS are not "poor animals".
They're PIGEONS.
Birds that have no purpose.
They are not pretty. They are not cute.
They are a NYC nuisance.

This reminds me of the man who lives next to my parents. Let's call him: Mr. Boat.

(He has a boat that used to take fishing that now lives in the front of his yard. He and his wife plant flowers in it. And not pretty flowers. Ugly middle finger plants. They look like they're flipping you off. AHHH!!!!)

But anyway.... Mr. Boat and his wife like to put food outside for all of the cats that live in my parents' neighborhood. These cats then POOP on my dad's car.

My dad owns a Benz.
(Yes, my dad is vain, and loves his car. But cmon? Who doesn't like luxury.)

This does NOT make my dad happy.

My father has tried to tell his neighbor that he should reconsider helping the cats who probably have rabies, and various other diseases.

But the neighbor does NOT get it.

In fact.... he used to be friends with my dad.

But since my dad had damage (scratch marks) done to his car by the cats, my dad has stopped talking to him.

I mean... REALLY!?!?! Do you have no shame????
Yes, it's a cat.
But would you feed a lion the same way???
They can just kill yo ass.
You are food.

Exhibit A:
One of the defendants and the incriminating book.
They have a HOW TO, bitches.
Leave them be.

Exhibit B:


My dad made one of these to get rid of the cats. (My mother was not happy about the cats or the new weapon.)

I am not suggesting cruelty to animals.

I am saying CRUELTY to all those who feed the animals.

'Cuz damnit! If I had one of those this morning, that lady would've gotten a pebble in the eye.



Thursday, January 7

Damn it! Why not?

Today, my wonderful friend, AMC told me the following (from Italy...):

"You also need to take a break every so often... because even if you wanted to be, you are NoT super woman!!!! You are close but you are not!"

This is absolutely devastating.

And absolutely true.

Ladies and Gents, I am stressed out.

All of you are thinking to yourself... Shit! I am too. Give me a break.
I agree.

And no I'm not talking to you Alicia Keys.

But does your body react to your stress?
And by that I mean.... do you get hives?

'Cuz I do.
My whole right side SWELLED to the size of TEXAS this morning, and I had to be taken to the doctor.


And I realized that after the doctor told me that the swelling was stress related that I actually was about to get a prescription for RELAXATION.
(After he stuck 2 huge needles with stuff in them into my arms. And made me take some horrendous tasting pills.)

YES! Finally.... an optimum moment.

My doctor told me that I have to relax, so I can't make those photo copies.
My doctor prescribed me relaxation, so I will be working from my BATH TUB.

Cmon! If you know me... I am a multitasker.
I am in a play, that I need to be offbook for immediately. Work a 9-6 job. Have an acting workshop with an acting coach who I would kill to work with. (Yes, I would kill. MURDER, bitch.) And am about to be in a non-union movie with a group of people who I also respect and want to work with.
I got a lot on my plate, and no time to relax.
I'm not trying to show off. I'm just sayin.... I'M A BUSY DUCK.

Everyone needs to relax.
My friend, BG always tells me to "Take it easy."
And you know what, Mista? You are right. I do.

I told AMC in a responding email:

"i realize that i am not super woman. But Damn it! Why not? I'm so much more fun than her."

Let's face it people:
SUPER WOMAN was Lois Lane's imaginary version of herself. Wiki it. IMAGINARY. Bitch, please!

I have my evil eyebrow, and a 5'1" amount of stress piling up at me.
Perhaps I will shoot fire from my eyes next.
You never know.
And I do so love fire.

I might be the next FIRESTARTER.
F*ck you, Drew Barrymore. I got this.

Monday, January 4



I mean... really, kittens!!!
There is no substitute. There never will be.
Wiki. this. wench. now.
Do you look this good with just a leopard whatever behind you?
I. don't. think. so.

This wonderful lady was shakin' her maracas before you were a gleam in your mother's eye.

Look at those thighs!
She could kill you with those things.

O fuck!
She could kill you with those things.
Sorry, Halle. We can still guess your identity through that horribly ripped costume.
This bitch knew how to kick some ass.

And how to Purrr.... and how to sing.

First of all... did you watch the link?
Here is is again: TADA!

That bitch is only in FUR.

That is GANGSTA!!!!

Look at her mouth.
It's intense.
YOUNG CHILDREN could be EATEN in there.

If you're thinking to yourself as you hear her voice...
Haven't I heard her talking to directly to me? Like... in a cab?
CUZ You have... in 1996. Google that shit, fool.
(Did I just date myself? Nahhh... I'm still young enough.)

I'm sorry, but I love the movie BOOMERANG for only 2 reasons.
One of them is EARTHA KITT.
The other is TADA!! (please push the counter to 7 minutes in.) HILARIOUS.
but... CHECK IT OUT!!!! Bitch was 65 in that corset/bustiere thing.
Eddie Murphy... you thought it was nasty?
But let's be honest... you like other things, don't you???

Let me cut to the chase:
I would LOVE to play her in a movie or play.
What a fantastic CHARACTER.
There. I've said it.

Eartha, your birthday would've been in January.
And bitch, I loves you.

This song and Eartha herself says it for me:
Note: More leopard.

Friday, January 1

Resolution or Resolve?

Welcome 2010.

I am so fucking glad 2009 is over.
It was a bad year.
I don't think I will drink wines bottled from this year.
They are poisoned.
Poisoned with loss.
Poisoned with bitterness, mixed with some more loss.
Poisoned with life's UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH..........

But, YAY 2010!!!
Did you make a resolution this year?

What was it?

Are you sure that's what you want to do in 2010??

Is it actually attainable?
Or did you chose something like...
"In 2010, I'm gonna be a better person to my friends and loved ones."

Let's be real, liars.
You want to do something in 2010?
How about... hmmm....
This year I'm gonna stop watching porn on the TV.
I will instead watch it for free on You-Porn.

That is attainable, and cost friendly.
RECESSION, bitches.

But...Jumping Jellyfish!

I am sooooooooo SICK of people saying that they're gonna lose weight in the New Year.

You know what???

You said that last year.
You said that the year before that.

AND You know what, UNGRATEFUL??

Maybe you should just say that this year you'll take better care of your body. That way when you're not putting the pressure of losing all that weight on you.

Believe me, people! You are all beautiful.
Except you, Marilyn.
And you, baby. Yeah, you!
But otherwise... Yeah... I'd probably bang you out.
Remember that in 2010. [Wink]

But let's be honest, ladies and gentlemen.
I do have a resolution this year.
Just one.
And I am resolved to see it come to fruition.
I cannot say it, because like a wish, if you say it, it won't come true.
But believe me, it's a doozy.

To quote song from a children's film that I watched recently:
No matter how your heart keeps dreaming, if you keep on believing...
The dreams that you wish will come true.

(If you don't know what movie that is from, you have had a horrible childhood. And you need lots of therapy, STAT.)
Ok.... i'll be nice. Here you go: TADA!!!!!