SURPRISE! I own a hairdryer!

wanna know something annoying?

when you walk up to people and the first thing they say is:
YOU'VE STRAIGHTENED YOUR HAIR!

not.. HI! How are you?

or even... WOW! you loook great!

YOU'VE STRAIGHTENED YOUR HAIR!

thanks, captain obvious. i hadn't noticed when i spent 2 hours doing it.

My friend J said to me: Well... maybe they were surprised!

And I say to that: F*ck that! LAME EXCUSE!!!

there's never a "wow! it looks good. it's straight."

it's just a "YOU'VE STRAIGHTENED IT!"

Yes, dingbat, i own a hairdryer.

and i own a flat iron.

every once in a while we all get together and have tea.

It would be akin to someone saying:

WOW! you have a pimple.
WOW! That blackhead has gotten big.

OR... let's go a step further...

WOW! you have a nose.

there it is.

you have a nose.

no really?!?! you mean... this thing I've been walking around with for the past 27 years is called a NOSE? holy sh*t! wow! nice to see you too!

Ok... I do get it.
I walk around 90% of the time with my hair in an afro.
I get it. The straight look is new to you.
But really???!?!? Figure out some new starting lines.
It's hair. It changes.
If I wanna dye it purple and put a streak of white in it,
the first line you say to me better not be: IT'S PURPLE!!
Why?
Because I will STAMP: CAPTAIN OBVIOUS on your forehead...

...with your own blood.