The Aftermath of V Day

Did you survive it?

Are all of your limbs in tact?

Did you suffer from S.O.P.M.O. Vomit?? (Seeing Other People Make Out)

Valentine's Day leaves most of New York in this odd haze of RED & PINK which are two colors that most New Yorkers don't have in their wardrobe. Maybe in their underwear drawer... Maybe lipstick/gloss...

Slowly but surely, the city is getting back to normal, despite heart shaped pizzas and gross hickies...
You know who you are!



Here are the top 5 questions, I was sick and tired of answering during the week before V Day, the actual day and this past week....


5) Any dinner plans for THE day??

Answer: No. I don't eat on that day. I use sense memory of what food tastes like when you're in love and just survive on that.

4) You bought yourself flowers? Isn't that someone else's job?

Answer: If there is a person whose job is to buy me flowers, and he is living in Babanango, South Africa... someone needs to explain to him, that he needs to get on top of his job, otherwise he is fired. Seriously... fired.

3) (while waiting on the longest line in HSBC ever... 1 hour.
Finally the bank teller asks:) Do you smile?! Today is a smiling day, yes?

Answer: Oh yes... 2 part answer. (1) Yes, I smile. A lot actually. But unfortunately, not at you, you balding white man with huge "beauty marks" all over your face. You should check those out. AND (2) No. It's not. I have been waiting to deposit my money for an HOUR, you twit. You took all of my impulses to smile when you took your sweet @ss time with the last 4 people's bank transactions.

2) (while getting a bikini wax, 3 days before VDay...
my waxer asks:) He'll be saying "WOW-WoW-yea" at this, hopefully?

Answer: Hopefully???????????????? I don't even have a HE to say that particular coin of phrase. But HOPEFULLY?????????????? Yeah... (sigh) Hopefully, HE would say that. Yes.

1) (While in Bloomingdale's checking out some earrings... some woman looks down at my big periodot ring, and asks:) Did your Valentine buy you that?

Answer: NO! I bought it. Do you know that Valentine's Day was to commemorate a bunch of Church martyrs?? I think I should have a day given to me for martyring myself at the doors of the IRS. Happy Taxes!! Food for thought.

<3 you all...