Can you hear yourself???

NO REALLY!?!?!

Can you hear yourself??

I only ask you because I can't hear you at all.

No really, I can't.

Who am I?

Hello! I'm your audience.

Yes, seat 14D. (waving & smiles)

Yes, yes. Nice to meet you.

I've paid at least $15 to see you... sometimes even $120, if I felt like a "baller".

So with that in mind, I am also wondering a few things:

1. Do you know that your vocal power range is as powerful as a limp dick?

2. Why did I come to this play if I can't hear a damn thing?

3. Perhaps I should've gone to the ballet.

4. Why are you an actor if your goal in the production is to be as useless as a wet mop in a river?

5. Do you realize that your intentions seem just as weak as your words?

6. How am I to believe you if I can't hear you?

7. If a tree falls in the forest and no one is there, does anyone give a sh*t?

God!!! it's so infuriating to go to a play or be a part of one, and NOT hear a word an actor says.

The playwright wrote words, not emotional states to be posed alongside the harpsichord.

Get a vocal coach.

Get a shrink.

Get a grip.

And get on with it.

I don't care about your ego. Say the effin' words!!! They were written to be heard.

BTW... being casual as an actor is just as lazy as the missionary position.

I'd rather be slapped by a parrot.

At least he'd say "POLLY WANNA A SLAP!" with some gusto.

Tttah...dddah...ppppah...bbbbah... ffffa..uck you for not doing this sooner.