Keyser Söze knows Shakespeare??

Before things jump off:

SHOUTS OUT to the company that shall remain anonymous for giving me FREE tickets. For those who don't know me...

You say: "Feisty Actress... This hot dog is FREE!"

I say: "SHUTTUP! It's MINE."

Not only was I seated in the ORCHESTRA.
But I was CENTER ORCHESTRA.
And only about 6 rows away from the action.
My friend, LC and I had the best seats in the house!!!
BOOM!!!
AWESOME.

Okay... here we go...

RICHARD III

"Now is the winter of our discontent
Made glorious summer by this sun of York;
And all the clouds that lour'd upon our house
In the deep bosom of the ocean buried."

Wait... Hold up!!!

Keyser Söze???

AHHH!!! Whatchu doin' here????

OH SH*T!!!!!!!!!!!

I say: Ooo Gurl... This gotta be good... Right??

You say: RIGHT!!!

3 hours and 1 intermission later....

WHAT THE EXPLETIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Keyser Söze.

(shakin' my head)

Keyser.

(taking a moment.)

• Q1: WHY ARE YOU YELLING HALF OF YOUR LINES?????????????
• Q2: WHY ARE YOU MUMBLING THE OTHER HALF??????????????
• Q3: DO YOU REALIZE THAT PUTTING WEIGHT ON THE 'LIMP' LEG IS COUNTER-INTUITIVE??? WHY EVEN HAVE THE CANE???
• Q4: IF RICHARD HAS A HUMP and A LIMP and was BORN THIS WAY, DON'T YOU THINK HE WOULD'VE MASTERED HIS PHYSICALITY INSTEAD OF LOOKING LIKE HE WAS ABOUT TO TOLL THE BELLS OF THE CATHEDRAL??
• Q5: DID THE DIRECTOR JUST LET YOU DO WHATEVER YOU WANT???
  

Because... you just MASTURBATED all over that stage and I feel like a bit sticky.
And not the kind of SPEWY that makes you luxuriate in the "WOW! we just shared something." But it was the kind of SPUNK that makes you wanna shower and gargle and disinfect everything.

You know what... You get how I feel.
Let's talk about it in PERSON.

xxx