Body Pride

why are there people,

most specifically men,
who put up pictures of their 4-6-8 pack abs
all over Facebook/YouTube/Instagram/etc.???

i get it! you work out.

believe me, i'm proud of you.

But... Seriously?

Oh! you are serious.

Ok.
i'm gonna start putting up pictures of random parts of my body.
let's see how you like that.

1st up.

MY EAR.

Hot stuff, right???

Look at that lobe.

Oo!!!
And a piercing!!!

Look at the sloping of the concha.
And curvature of that helix.

If you're not turned on, I suggest you take a second look.
The anatomy of THE EAR is amazing.
You know you want this!

Keyser Söze knows Shakespeare??

Before things jump off:

SHOUTS OUT to the company that shall remain anonymous for giving me FREE tickets. For those who don't know me...

You say: "Feisty Actress... This hot dog is FREE!"

I say: "SHUTTUP! It's MINE."

Not only was I seated in the ORCHESTRA.
But I was CENTER ORCHESTRA.
And only about 6 rows away from the action.
My friend, LC and I had the best seats in the house!!!
BOOM!!!
AWESOME.

Okay... here we go...

RICHARD III

"Now is the winter of our discontent
Made glorious summer by this sun of York;
And all the clouds that lour'd upon our house
In the deep bosom of the ocean buried."

Wait... Hold up!!!

Keyser Söze???

AHHH!!! Whatchu doin' here????

OH SH*T!!!!!!!!!!!

I say: Ooo Gurl... This gotta be good... Right??

You say: RIGHT!!!

3 hours and 1 intermission later....

WHAT THE EXPLETIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Keyser Söze.

(shakin' my head)

Keyser.

(taking a moment.)

• Q1: WHY ARE YOU YELLING HALF OF YOUR LINES?????????????
• Q2: WHY ARE YOU MUMBLING THE OTHER HALF??????????????
• Q3: DO YOU REALIZE THAT PUTTING WEIGHT ON THE 'LIMP' LEG IS COUNTER-INTUITIVE??? WHY EVEN HAVE THE CANE???
• Q4: IF RICHARD HAS A HUMP and A LIMP and was BORN THIS WAY, DON'T YOU THINK HE WOULD'VE MASTERED HIS PHYSICALITY INSTEAD OF LOOKING LIKE HE WAS ABOUT TO TOLL THE BELLS OF THE CATHEDRAL??
• Q5: DID THE DIRECTOR JUST LET YOU DO WHATEVER YOU WANT???
  

Because... you just MASTURBATED all over that stage and I feel like a bit sticky.
And not the kind of SPEWY that makes you luxuriate in the "WOW! we just shared something." But it was the kind of SPUNK that makes you wanna shower and gargle and disinfect everything.

You know what... You get how I feel.
Let's talk about it in PERSON.

xxx

MTA. i hate you.

dear M116 bus,

you are the SLOWEST bus ever.
In fact, one could wait an hour, and you will will not show up.
what is the deal?

did I walk from lenox ave. to my apartment at 1.30am?

did a nice, though SKETCHY looking, Hispanic man on a bike ask me, in Spanish no less, if i needed someone to walk with me??
when i said "No, gracias" (aka the only Spanish I could muster in my sleepy state), did he still walk ahead of me?
And did I feel like I had a Dominican Kevin Costner??

M116 bus, you do NOT complete me.

regards,
me